Banking in Russia is, like everything else, unknown. By that I mean, it's unknown whether or not it's possible. In theory, it is. Of course. It's a developed country. Nowadays, a lot of the time, it is. But sometimes, it's not. Sorry. That's Russia.
Perhaps some of you who are already acquainted with Russian mentalities and what life's like here will feel me on this one. My school opened a bank account for me. The Russian accountants that work for my school said, "go to the bank. Here's where it is. Find out everything about your new account there."
So I went. They said, "we don't see that you have an account here." Ok. Well anyways, can you tell me what percent you charge on international money transfers? "We charge 1,200 roubles each time." (about $37.50). Hmm. Thank you.
So I asked Pasha, who works at a bank and recommended a certain Russian bank (which will remain nameless - it doesn't matter anyway - it could have been any of them. They're all Russian.) A mainstream one with branches all over the place. He called for me and asked what percent they take - 0.7%. That's better than other banks I'd heard, who charge 1%.
I went there on my day off with the intent to open an account. In America, the experience is such: you sit down at a desk with a guy who gives you a folder of papers and asks if you have any questions. He explains everything about the account, makes sure you're happy, opens the account, thanks you for banking with them and gives you a little keychain as a souvenir. Then you go home. In Russia, I went to a branch with the silly delusion that the experience would be something similar. If I had thought about it, I would have realized that that's not the case. But I didn't think about it. I went to the branch of that bank nearest to my home - .... and opened the door .... IT WAS LIKE THE DMV!! A huge crowd of people (on a Monday no less) were sitting around with little tickets in their hands. Children were crying, people were coughing and doing crosswords. A computerized board showed and a voice periodically asked client # such and such to go to window such and such. I chuckled to myself. Beth, you've long ago learned that nothing is simple and pleasant in Russia. Everything is complicated and very often simply absurd. I took a number and sat down.
I realized I had time to go to the store. It was literally next door. So I did. I also bought a bus pass. When I came back, some windows were behind my number and one was ahead. Had I missed my chance? I asked a girl who said take another number but don't lose that one in case it still comes up.
I sat and waited for a long while. The first number was about to come up. It was next! I was so excited. 537 was my number. They announced 536 then 538. D'oh! Well there was a slim chance they called it while I was out. Ok, I'll wait for the second number, 568. I waited and waited. Nice day off. I waited for over an hour. Finally we were on 567. I was ready to go and open my account. Of course the next number they called was 569.
At that point, I got up and said to the girl, really, come on now. I've waited for over an hour and you skipped both my numbers. What's the deal. She said just budge. Now, I'm not one for budging. I hate it when people cut in line!! How rude! But this is Russia, none of the normal conditions apply.
So I budged. Then next free window - I jumped on it. A lady who was actually not that rude helped me open the account. Cool! Cuz it was a question whether this would happen at all. Seriously. I double checked - by the way, what percent do you take for international transfers? "0.7%." Consistency. Success. A step forward. I was inwardly celebrating, despite all the crap.
I needed to go home and have some lunch and get a wad of cash they paid me. So I did, but then I came back. This time, later in the day, there were even more people. I took a number. When my number FINALLY came up, I told the young man I wanted to deposit some money in my account and then make an international wire transfer. He got a really scared look on his face and said "go see the administrator."
So I went to the last window. Was it free? Of course not. I got in line again. A lady arrived there just at the same time I did, so it was not clear who was next in line. At first I was thinking when this person is done I'm gunna jump up and take my turn! Then I thought, actually, we'll look at each other and she'll let me go ahead. Then I decided it was better to let her go first. It's a good thing I did, because when the window finally freed up she jumped up and went. She was calm but very angry. Apparently the bank had lost her money. Not a confidence-giving sign. They had her go fill out a form. While she did, it was my turn. I was able to deposit the cash I had brought with me, an advance on my first paycheck. Nice. I was also able to get an atm card - for some reason, the first lady hadn't given me one. I was about to mention the tranfer when the angry lady was done filling out her form, a really old guy approached the window not knowing there was a line, and the girl behind me who had been asking me if I would be long looked at me with a desperate, pitiable look on her face. Ok, I said to the administrator, that will be all for now.
So, I spent the whole day at the bank and didn't do what I'd gone there to do. But there were some successes. Russians themselves take things in stride and focus on the small successes. It's not just us foreigners who suffer this highly inconvenient life.
But that's not all. Oh, no, that's far from all. Go get a drink. The saga continues:
The next day during my lunch break I decided to go to the branch near my work and see if things were better there. They were! No tickets, no lines. I asked a girl about an international transfer and said last time they sent me straight to the administrator. She showed me in to a room and pointed out the person I needed to talk to. There was only one party ahead of me. I sat down and made myself comfortable. Now this is more like it.
When the young man was free, he started to work with me. I told him what I needed and he went and got some papers. He showed me an example of a form someone had filled out for this transaction and said I needed a third number - not just the account number and the routing number. I said hm. Then I said, you know, I really think that all you need are those two numbers. See the example? It says, "routing."
He said ok, let's try it just like the example then. He was very polite. He kept saying a few words in German, which cracked me up. So I had to fill out the form by hand. Painsakingly, in little squares, some in latin letters and some in Cyrillic. I tried and made a mistake. Had to start all over again. I made another mistake. I had to start over a total of four times, but then I did it. I decided to send just $10 first to see if it works, and if so, then I'd send enough to pay the bills.
Well, it was finally time to make a transfer! I checked again: "Ruslan, what percent do you take for international wire transfers?" "0.7%." Great. Consistency. Logic. He waited on some other people while I filled out my paperwork and then I waited til it was my turn again. Finally, .... nothing happened. And I had to go back to work. He said to me, "Eh-liza-bet Jane," (immitating the first name, patronymic form of address they use for formal, the equivalent of "Miss Kane,") "today we have completed one very important thing. We have filled out a paper. And that's it." I was like, .... ..... Um, dear Ruslan, can you please tell me, is it possible to make an international money transfer? "Well, there is no connection." Oh, I see. But, in principle, is it possible???? "OOOOHHHH, yes!! Of course! There's no doubt! :) " Well, I had doubted. But I'll come back tomorrow.
The next day I came back with the same paper I had completed; I just changed the date. The transfer was completed! !!! :-D It only took me God knows how many hours of waiting at banks, but I managed to send $10 home. However, the comission was 50 roubles. Out of 324. Hmm, strange. That's not 0.7%.
Ruslan said it was such a small sum we sent, and it was a minimum. Ok. I have to go back to work now. Now that we know it works, I'll come back tomorrow and send the real money.
I came back the next day. I sent $400 home. However, they took $8. Why? I asked and well, although he was very polite, he could not tell me. He beat around the bush, showing me rule books and explaining me this and that, and telling me there were minimums and maximums.... but I just kept asking, why isn't it 0.7%? This went on for a while. He said, "the computer decides what percent to take." I said "how does the computer know?" He said, "you'll have to go ask our informatika department." I said, (calmly), "please, just admit that it's absurd. Just admit that you're a bank and you yourselves don't know what you charge or why. Just admit that what's written in the rule book is simply not true."
Finally he got on the phone. He and I waited. We waited a long time. By now it was Friday and I wanted to go to a concert. I had agreed to meet my friend at 7:10 at a certain metro station. I could not wait here all night.
Just as I was getting ready to leave, he found out from the person on the phone that it's actually not 0.7%. It's 2%. He showed me a different rule in the rule book. We smiled at each other. He could now do his job better, was more knowledgable thanks to me. And me, I had found out that this wasn't absurdity, it was a mistake.
That's what Russia does to you, for all it's worth: you go through so much hassle that when there's a tiny bright side, it makes you so damn happy you don't know what to do! Talk about absurdity. People had been wrong from the beginning and it was bad for me financilly, but I just felt so happy to have figured out what was going on. You lower your standards and start to think like a Russian - it is what it is, there is bad, but there is also some good, so we can accept that.
The money, by the way, three days later, still has not appeared in my American account. Now I have to decide whether it's worth it to close my account with them (that I gave so much blood, sweat and tears to open) and try a different back where (they say) the fee is 1%. Akh!
Perhaps some of you who are already acquainted with Russian mentalities and what life's like here will feel me on this one. My school opened a bank account for me. The Russian accountants that work for my school said, "go to the bank. Here's where it is. Find out everything about your new account there."
So I went. They said, "we don't see that you have an account here." Ok. Well anyways, can you tell me what percent you charge on international money transfers? "We charge 1,200 roubles each time." (about $37.50). Hmm. Thank you.
So I asked Pasha, who works at a bank and recommended a certain Russian bank (which will remain nameless - it doesn't matter anyway - it could have been any of them. They're all Russian.) A mainstream one with branches all over the place. He called for me and asked what percent they take - 0.7%. That's better than other banks I'd heard, who charge 1%.
I went there on my day off with the intent to open an account. In America, the experience is such: you sit down at a desk with a guy who gives you a folder of papers and asks if you have any questions. He explains everything about the account, makes sure you're happy, opens the account, thanks you for banking with them and gives you a little keychain as a souvenir. Then you go home. In Russia, I went to a branch with the silly delusion that the experience would be something similar. If I had thought about it, I would have realized that that's not the case. But I didn't think about it. I went to the branch of that bank nearest to my home - .... and opened the door .... IT WAS LIKE THE DMV!! A huge crowd of people (on a Monday no less) were sitting around with little tickets in their hands. Children were crying, people were coughing and doing crosswords. A computerized board showed and a voice periodically asked client # such and such to go to window such and such. I chuckled to myself. Beth, you've long ago learned that nothing is simple and pleasant in Russia. Everything is complicated and very often simply absurd. I took a number and sat down.
I realized I had time to go to the store. It was literally next door. So I did. I also bought a bus pass. When I came back, some windows were behind my number and one was ahead. Had I missed my chance? I asked a girl who said take another number but don't lose that one in case it still comes up.
I sat and waited for a long while. The first number was about to come up. It was next! I was so excited. 537 was my number. They announced 536 then 538. D'oh! Well there was a slim chance they called it while I was out. Ok, I'll wait for the second number, 568. I waited and waited. Nice day off. I waited for over an hour. Finally we were on 567. I was ready to go and open my account. Of course the next number they called was 569.
At that point, I got up and said to the girl, really, come on now. I've waited for over an hour and you skipped both my numbers. What's the deal. She said just budge. Now, I'm not one for budging. I hate it when people cut in line!! How rude! But this is Russia, none of the normal conditions apply.
So I budged. Then next free window - I jumped on it. A lady who was actually not that rude helped me open the account. Cool! Cuz it was a question whether this would happen at all. Seriously. I double checked - by the way, what percent do you take for international transfers? "0.7%." Consistency. Success. A step forward. I was inwardly celebrating, despite all the crap.
I needed to go home and have some lunch and get a wad of cash they paid me. So I did, but then I came back. This time, later in the day, there were even more people. I took a number. When my number FINALLY came up, I told the young man I wanted to deposit some money in my account and then make an international wire transfer. He got a really scared look on his face and said "go see the administrator."
So I went to the last window. Was it free? Of course not. I got in line again. A lady arrived there just at the same time I did, so it was not clear who was next in line. At first I was thinking when this person is done I'm gunna jump up and take my turn! Then I thought, actually, we'll look at each other and she'll let me go ahead. Then I decided it was better to let her go first. It's a good thing I did, because when the window finally freed up she jumped up and went. She was calm but very angry. Apparently the bank had lost her money. Not a confidence-giving sign. They had her go fill out a form. While she did, it was my turn. I was able to deposit the cash I had brought with me, an advance on my first paycheck. Nice. I was also able to get an atm card - for some reason, the first lady hadn't given me one. I was about to mention the tranfer when the angry lady was done filling out her form, a really old guy approached the window not knowing there was a line, and the girl behind me who had been asking me if I would be long looked at me with a desperate, pitiable look on her face. Ok, I said to the administrator, that will be all for now.
So, I spent the whole day at the bank and didn't do what I'd gone there to do. But there were some successes. Russians themselves take things in stride and focus on the small successes. It's not just us foreigners who suffer this highly inconvenient life.
But that's not all. Oh, no, that's far from all. Go get a drink. The saga continues:
The next day during my lunch break I decided to go to the branch near my work and see if things were better there. They were! No tickets, no lines. I asked a girl about an international transfer and said last time they sent me straight to the administrator. She showed me in to a room and pointed out the person I needed to talk to. There was only one party ahead of me. I sat down and made myself comfortable. Now this is more like it.
When the young man was free, he started to work with me. I told him what I needed and he went and got some papers. He showed me an example of a form someone had filled out for this transaction and said I needed a third number - not just the account number and the routing number. I said hm. Then I said, you know, I really think that all you need are those two numbers. See the example? It says, "routing."
He said ok, let's try it just like the example then. He was very polite. He kept saying a few words in German, which cracked me up. So I had to fill out the form by hand. Painsakingly, in little squares, some in latin letters and some in Cyrillic. I tried and made a mistake. Had to start all over again. I made another mistake. I had to start over a total of four times, but then I did it. I decided to send just $10 first to see if it works, and if so, then I'd send enough to pay the bills.
Well, it was finally time to make a transfer! I checked again: "Ruslan, what percent do you take for international wire transfers?" "0.7%." Great. Consistency. Logic. He waited on some other people while I filled out my paperwork and then I waited til it was my turn again. Finally, .... nothing happened. And I had to go back to work. He said to me, "Eh-liza-bet Jane," (immitating the first name, patronymic form of address they use for formal, the equivalent of "Miss Kane,") "today we have completed one very important thing. We have filled out a paper. And that's it." I was like, .... ..... Um, dear Ruslan, can you please tell me, is it possible to make an international money transfer? "Well, there is no connection." Oh, I see. But, in principle, is it possible???? "OOOOHHHH, yes!! Of course! There's no doubt! :) " Well, I had doubted. But I'll come back tomorrow.
The next day I came back with the same paper I had completed; I just changed the date. The transfer was completed! !!! :-D It only took me God knows how many hours of waiting at banks, but I managed to send $10 home. However, the comission was 50 roubles. Out of 324. Hmm, strange. That's not 0.7%.
Ruslan said it was such a small sum we sent, and it was a minimum. Ok. I have to go back to work now. Now that we know it works, I'll come back tomorrow and send the real money.
I came back the next day. I sent $400 home. However, they took $8. Why? I asked and well, although he was very polite, he could not tell me. He beat around the bush, showing me rule books and explaining me this and that, and telling me there were minimums and maximums.... but I just kept asking, why isn't it 0.7%? This went on for a while. He said, "the computer decides what percent to take." I said "how does the computer know?" He said, "you'll have to go ask our informatika department." I said, (calmly), "please, just admit that it's absurd. Just admit that you're a bank and you yourselves don't know what you charge or why. Just admit that what's written in the rule book is simply not true."
Finally he got on the phone. He and I waited. We waited a long time. By now it was Friday and I wanted to go to a concert. I had agreed to meet my friend at 7:10 at a certain metro station. I could not wait here all night.
Just as I was getting ready to leave, he found out from the person on the phone that it's actually not 0.7%. It's 2%. He showed me a different rule in the rule book. We smiled at each other. He could now do his job better, was more knowledgable thanks to me. And me, I had found out that this wasn't absurdity, it was a mistake.
That's what Russia does to you, for all it's worth: you go through so much hassle that when there's a tiny bright side, it makes you so damn happy you don't know what to do! Talk about absurdity. People had been wrong from the beginning and it was bad for me financilly, but I just felt so happy to have figured out what was going on. You lower your standards and start to think like a Russian - it is what it is, there is bad, but there is also some good, so we can accept that.
The money, by the way, three days later, still has not appeared in my American account. Now I have to decide whether it's worth it to close my account with them (that I gave so much blood, sweat and tears to open) and try a different back where (they say) the fee is 1%. Akh!
* * *
In other news, work is going well. We studied three of the five senses last week and this week we'll do sight and sound. Getting the hang of things. Look mom, look dad, look everyone! Look what I managed to make them do!! ;)
Wow. I thought things were crazy in Doha! Good job navigating things. Hopefully it'll get easier (or you'll just get used to it and won't notice eventually).
ReplyDeleteBeth, I TOTALLY feel your pain. Thank you for capturing this experience and providing your insightful commentary. I pray that you will have fewer absurd experiences in the future.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Beth