Overcoming challanges...

Hello family and friends.  It's been ages since i've posted anything - sorry about that.  The truth is I haven't really wanted to share because things haven't been going so well, and when you write a blog for everyone to read, it's best to put positive things on it.  It's been almost 3 months since I came back to Moscow already but they've been kindof tough - one thing after another.  

As soon as i got to our house, the apartment Pasha bought that he and his mom had been fixing up all summer, I started getting a rash, mostly on my arms and shoulders but all over too.  I ended up seeing tons of doctors - it turned into a 2-month saga of suffering.  No one knew how to help.  I saw allergists, dermatologists, endocronologists, therapists, gastroenterologists - and bought tons of expensive pills and creams, but nothing helped.  The worst part was the diets.  My allergist gave me a strict diet that included mostly foods i don't like or don't eat anyway and told me to just eat that for two weeks, then add the restricted foods (eggs, milk, chocolate, wheat, pasta, fruit, etc) in one at a time for 2 weeks each.  I could not keep the diet strictly, and the itchy spots kept coming back.  I felt ashamed to go back to that doctor because i couldn't keep the diet for two whole weeks - the longest i kept it strictly was one week.  other than that, it was like everyday i would so almost do it - but then eat one thing that was not necessarily bad, but maybe questionable.  So that whold day didn't count.  I felt like it was my own fault I was sick.  I had hit a dead end!  It was hopeless and terrible.  Also, not knowing what was wrong.  Was it serious?  Would I die from it if it continues untreated?  Finally, I decided to pray the rosary everyday until I get well.  On the third day, I found a bed bug in the kitchen.  Bed bugs.  It was terrible and horrible and disgusting, but we got rid of them.  No more “allergy.”  Thank God.

Also, I keep getting in trouble at work.  I missed the very first meetings at the beginning of the year, and my boss said it’s ok but I could see she was pissed.  I wrote her an email two weeks in advance but she never read it and told me no, I didn’t get an email about that.  Yes you did.  But anyway....  I wasn’t about to change my itinerary back from the states because of the meetings.  I bought that ticket a long time ago and so I feel it wasn’t my fault.  But anyway….

Then I got an email from the main boss that she needs to see me.  That’s really weird – she works in a different building and usually if she has business with me she can email me, come to our building or tell me through the manager.  It was something serious. So we agreed on a time to meet and when I showed up she wasn’t there.  Her kid was sick.  So I emailed her and came to her building a couple times; eventually we met up and she told me not to do some things I had done back in sept and long ago stopped – eating on the playground and once I came in on my day off to work and apparently disturbed someone – basically small details, nothing serious at all and hadn’t gone on for a long while anyways.  These kind of comments should be given to me by my manger, but I guess she was afraid to tell me herself.  I can understand she feels awkward… she works not so much above the teachers as along side us, filling an administrative roll, whereas we’re the ones who work directly with the kids.  But still, she should have just told me then and there and it would be done with, plus the big boss wouldn’t have had to hear about my mistakes, plus it wouldn’t have wasted my and her time.  But anyway….

So then they changed my schedule, in the meantime I’m constantly at the doctor’s, always running to appointments here and there, I find out my grandma is seriously ill, but not to the point where she would die, just reducing her abilities and changing her lifestyle very much.  Then, all of a sudden, she died.  And I wasn’t able to go home for the funeral!

While all this was going on, I missed a meeting at work; it was on the day I now had off and I just forgot about it – I wrote a letter to my “boss” in this area – another class I teach – and she immediately responded to me telling me I had had this info a long time ago and copied the big boss!  I’m sorry, but man.  Talk about kicking me when I’m down.  So I was a little crazy with stress and grief that day – the next time I saw the big boss she explained to me that even if there’s a meeting on your day off, you should come in for it, which I totally get, just forgot, sorry, sorry.  But then I did something crazy – I wrote her an email explaining that I know about coming in on your day off – I just read the reminder too late.  But then I went on to explain that anyone can miss a meeting when things are stressful at home - and reminded her of when she missed our meeting because her kid was sick!  I shouldn’t have done that.  The second I hit “send” I regretted it.  But I was going a little crazy, really.

So then I decided to not worry about it and let it all blow over.  The next time I saw her I apologized for the email and I think she really isn’t offended.  I am just trying to keep my head down, keep on top of all responsibilities and deadlines and just make it through the year.

So that’s all the bad stuff and all my complaining.  There are good things too.  I took on some more private lessons this year and two out of three are very enjoyable and I’m making good money.  I have friends and my church community I try to give some time to every week.  I am taking Russian lessons one hour a week and it’s very laid back.  My tutor comes over on Wednesdays and we read a book.  I have a loving relationship with Pasha and he’s coming to the US for Christmas this year to meet my family and friends.  I can’t wait.  Actually, I’m counting down.  29 days left!

Also, in October we had a Halloween party.  It was really nice.  It was almost a housewarming party too, because it was the first time after so many repairs, so much work buying furniture and cleaning that we were able to have people over without feeling ashamed, lol.   It was a small but nice group.  I dressed as a witch and Pasha a wizard.  I'll post pics soon.  Peace!

Казнить нельзя помиловать

Hello all,
The return to school (work) has been less excruciating than expected, both from the point of view of the beginning of the year, when all the parents hang around and all the children scream, and from doing it all with jet lag.  I've almost survived the first week, and no major mishaps!  (A couple of minor ones, but whatev...)

The other day in a store I saw the cover of a magazine that had a picture of the masks that pussy riot wears during their shinanigans with the caption that is the title of this post - kaznit' nelzya pomilovat'.  I knew all the words but couldn't understand the phrase. The first two words together mean "you mustn't punish" and the last two mean "you mustn't have mercy."  I asked Pasha when I got home and he explained it very well.  It's a play on grammar.  That sentence, without a comma, is a mystery.  The meaning is not clear.  One could put the comma in one of two places.  In the first place, it means, "Execute - don't show mercy!"  and in the second, "You mustn't execute - show mercy!"  This is of course referring to the great debate over what is to be done with the perpetrators of a "punk prayer" in Russia's main cathedral.  Read all about it in a former blog post of mine.  Anyway, the story is this: there was a lazy boy, a very lazy boy, who never did his work simply because he was a bad boy.  He ended up in the land of un-learned lessons, where they put him to the test in this way - his task was to put the comma in that phrase.  !

BORODINO

Well well well!  I'm back in Russia!  What a strange sensation, to come back so soon after leaving!  America and Russia have totally different atmospheres, and although I appreciate and enjoy Russia's, I was totally rocking out in my own native country!  Usually after an adventure of so many months, I get to stay home for a while.  Not this time!  I had just begun to forget some of the details of daily life, and now they're all necessary again. Plus, in one day I went from a hot Florida summer to a crisp Russian fall.

The journey was long, but I survived.  It turned out to be 29 hours from door to door.  Stupid airlines.  You buy one thing, then they think they can take it away and give you whatever they feel like giving you, as they please.  And they can!  I ended up having to wait a 6.5 hours in DC, then fly to Germany, then home.  The taxi took me through the middle of Moscow at rush hour, so a ride that should have taken an hour and a half took 4 hours.  When I finally got home, I slept the next day until 4, because of the tiring travel and because of jet lag.  That night, we left for Borodino.

Pasha had been planning to spend the weekend at this small town in the Moscow oblast camping out.  He wanted to see and perhaps participate in the historical reconstruction of the battle of Borodino in the war of 1812.  I told him I probably wouldn't be up to it, having just come back.  But it's the 200 year jubilee!!  I told him we'll see, and decided to go.

The Battle of Borodino (Russian: Бородинское сражение; French: Bataille de la Moskova), fought on September 7, 1812, was the largest and bloodiest single-day action of the French invasion of Russia and all Napoleonic Wars, involving more than 250,000 troops and resulting in at least 70,000 casualties. The French army under Emperor Napoleon I attacked the Imperial Russian Army of General Kutuzov near the village of Borodino and eventually captured the main positions on the battlefield, but failed to destroy the Russian army despite heavy losses. About a third of Napoleon's soldiers were killed or wounded; Russian losses were also heavy, but her casualties could be replaced since large forces of militia were already with the Russian Army and replacement depots which were close by had already been gathering and training troops. (-Wikipedia)

We got the 10pm train, arrived at Borodino station at 12, where his father met us.  We had to go on foot to the camp, as it was late and no transport was available.  It took 1.5 hours, but I wasn't tired, having slept all day.  I was only tired from walking so far so fast.  We finally got to the camp where the group of guys who would be playing soldiers (our group of about 10 people, there were of course hundreds of such camps) had already set up a large common tent, their individual sleeping tents, a fire and fire wood, and a table full of food.

The weekend was interesting in a good way; the rehearsal was on Saturday and the "battle" on Sunday.  Many thousands of spectators showed up, and not just from Russia!  The rest of Europe remembers this battle too.  However, most of the players were Russian, even the "French."  It rained on Sunday and things got very muddy.  There were people in various types of costumes based on the rank and nationality, horses, guns, cannons, etc.  There were some pyrotechnics that made pops, booms and smoke.  It was worth seeing.  Here are the pics!  And videos at the end.  -Beth

The journey home - and back again!

Greetings, imaginary blog readers.  It's been a while.  The end of last year went remarkably smoothly.  I had a bunch of errands to run before leaving Russia for the summer.  Banks, post office, groceries, gifts, etc.  I also managed to see my friends one more time before leaving.  Lena and I went out and I invited Masha to my performance.  My dance class was invited to perform at a festival of international food and travel!  It was dope. ;) But I digress... from the beginning.

End of May:
-move out of Strogino and into Pasha's first home.  The move felt like a daring escape from hell.  Our former roommate, who I am sure is bi-polar, made life indescribably miserable for a few days, and when we were actually loading up the truck and leaving (after a tiring day at work,) she made the landlord come and watch us by telling him we were stealing and breaking things.  Stressful?  Not at all.  As we drove away I felt like Indiana Jones running away with the artifact as a giant boulder and the natives with poison darts pursued us.  Thank heaven for that pontoon boat!
P.S. proud of Pasha for purchasing an apartment in Moscow!  The value can only go up!  What a responsible young man.

June 10:
My bellydance concert! We've been rehearsing since January, and the class boiled down to us 4 serious ladies, and we got to perform on stage with many other groups of ethnic dance.  It went well!  Videos on facebook.  I confess I do love the Indian bollywood dance better than the Arabic.

June 23-24:
We got in to the festival for free as performers - called upon to do our dances again on the grass surrounded by spectators at this very cool festival of international culture and cuisine.  At this time I didn't do quite so well, but mistakes are something you're a lot more aware of than the crowd, I hope.  Still o.k.  Then I got to enjoy the rest of the day!  There were performances of all sorts, and great food!  This is where I saw my girl Masha and her boy Zhenya.

June 30: Time to go!  My flight was such that Pasha could accompany me to Domodedovo, so that was great.  He didn't understand why I got in a long line when there was an hour left before takeoff, instead of sitting down in a cafe and hanging out some more.  By the time I got there, the lady said I was late!  But of course I caught my plane and flew back home to the place where my family is.  But not before one more adventure!

In the airport full of thousands of people, I was standing in line for check-in, when I saw - in the same line - MY PROFESSOR!  I saw the immistakable bald head and even from behind I knew it was him.  I immediately went up to him - Pasha stayed in line with the bags - and was fast approaching.  Then, when I was right there, I doubted a little, in case I'd be accosting a look-alike - and then timidly said, "Professor Sergay?"

He turned around and his jaw dropped.  "Beth."  We were on the same plane!  What are the odds?  I didn't even know he was in town, and we were flying back to the U.S. on the exact same flight.  I hadn't been in touch in a long time, but he is very dear to me, as are all my former Russian professors, one from undergrad and four from grad school.

During the flight I approached him and invited him to eat gourmet chocolate and chat with me in the restroom waiting area.  We talked on and on and it made the 10.5 hour flight bearable!  In fact, quite pleasant.  I will never forget what a small world it is :)

May!!! (renting in the metropolis)

It's warmed up.  I've survived.  It was so cold and awful for so long... not even that snowy, just freezing... and I was so used to it... but now, all that's over with.  Russians have put away their fur coats until next year.  I smell not only spring, but summer in the air.

I can't wait to go home!!!  Not that I don't love my life here, but you get me.  I miss my family and home country.  I even miss the food.  :)  I am counting the days til July 1st, when I touch down in Florida for a couple months at least!  This will be a relief for me, but a trial for Pasha :(

In Russia, things are all done less officially.  This has it's advantages and disadvantages.  Sometimes, in America, doing everything by the book is really annoying.  There are situations where you'd like to just fudge it, just this once.  But no.  And by contrast, in Russia, you sometimes feel the pleasantness of a "relaxing" of the rules.  In the long-run, however, I'm glad I'm from the country that does everything offically.

Renting an apartment, for example.  If you're not brain-dead, you'll have a contract.  Owner or renter, you'll protect yourself with an official, legal document that specifies everything the landlord has the right to and has the responsibility to do, and likewise the tenant.  Both parties know exactly what they are getting into, right from the beginning.  If problems do arise, we can refer back to that legal binding document.

In Russia, I live here without a lease.  It's all kind of informal.  I paid a pro-rated rent in September when I moved in in the middle of the month, out of my own initiative, being used to our officialness in the USA.  I later found out that that was stupid; the landlords had no idea when I moved in and would not have known to ask for any money.  More recently, my roommate did some badly-needed repairs in the bathroom, for which we later got charged.  Yep, you heard me.  As I told you before when we were talking about banking, Absurdistan.  No good deed goes un-punished.

However, it's not all that much money, and you have to pick your battles.  I'm out of here soon.  On the bright side, it's actually a good thing that the landlords are seldom around.  I am moving out soon, and I haven't paid May rent, because of the deposit in the beginning of the year.  So felt a little financial boost because of that.

In the meantime, Lena is looking for someone to move in to take my place.  Why her, not the landlord?  Because.  In Russia, having a place to live is a priveledge.  When people are looking for housing, and they go through an agency, who pays the fee?  The tenant.  Landlords use it as a free service.  So when you move in, be prepared to pay up to 4x the rent!  First month's, last month's, deposit, and finder's fee.  (She said she had better find someone herself, and fast!  Otherwise they can kick her out and move a family in here.)

A partial explanation for that is that there is simply not enough housing in Moscow for all the people who want to live here.  It is a huge, enormous, sprawling city.  In 2010, the official census was 11.5 million, but it's since grown, and that's not counting the thousands of un-registered inhabitants.  In the U.S., we have seperate cities for seperate purposes.  L.A. and Hollywood are for arts and entertainment industry.  DC is the political capital.  New York has a lot of business and a little of just about everything.  But in Russia, it's all Moscow.  Politics, culture, art, science -- it's all in one place.  Everyone I meet here is from somewhere else.  They got an education, then came to Moscow to get a job.

What's life like outside of Moscow?  Well, I've lived in Petersburg ang Tomsk, in Siberia, and both those cities are very, very nice.  I really like them.  But still, most of Russia is a sharp contrast to Moscow.  They have a saying, "Russia begins beyond the MKAD" (the highway that encircles Moscow.)  It's a lot, lot richer than the rest of the country, and a lot more westernized.  I've also been to the countryside.  Not long ago during the holiday Pasha and I visited his mother in Dubna, a little town outside of Tula.  Chickens wandering everywhere, houses like huts, each with it's own ogorod (ah-guh-ROD), or farm-like garden.  It was very quiet and peaceful compared to our life here. At first I had the scary impression of being in the middle of nowhere.  But soon I got to love it for an indescribable, homey, genuine atmosphere, as if time there stands still, as if you're in a fairy-tale or something. 

Ok, that's all for now.  God bless and take care, and thanks for reading!! -Beth

RIVER KWAI

So back to Thailand... :))


RIVER KWAI
If it seems like all we’ve done are activities involving water on this excursion so far, you’re basically right.  Except for trekking through the jungle to get to the waterfall, feeding wild monkeys (which Pasha and I declined, of course), a tea-tasting, and the elephant adventure described later on, all of our events required a swimsuit.  I brought two, because one hasn’t even had time to dry before you need it again. 


The next event was rafting down the river Kwai.  It was a big raft, more like a floating room, and there was no white water.  We sat and ate fruit and corn with life jackets on as we floated down the legendary river.  It’s made legendary, by the way, by the film “The Bridge On the River Kwai” (1957).  


All this time, because of my incomplete understanding of Russian, I was dying to know what would happen next!  I can understand pretty well, and almost all the information recounted us during the long drives, typical tour guide speeches, historical information, local cultural facts, etc., was not a problem.  But when she said “we will plavat’,” I just couldn’t understand.  This verb means sail, float and swim.  Would I physically be getting in the water?  They had us put on life jackets, but that could be just because the raft had no walls.  I finally managed to clarify that we would in fact jump from the craft – or be pushed! – but what comes next I had no idea.  No amount of bothering Pasha and getting frustrated could clear that up for me.  Either he didn’t know, or he couldn’t explain it to me in a way I could understand, or he didn’t even understand my question.  It’s not easy living in a foreign country and being in a relationship with someone whose language you don’t know entirely.  Ok, let it be a surprise.


I understood that it was time to jump in!  I went to the edge – I told Pasha, “let’s go in together!  One, two, THREE!” and jumped.  Pasha laughed and a minute later followed.  Apparently he hadn’t been expecting that.  They had told us there were no piranhas.  They had told us to avoid the edges as there were animals on the banks.  It was a little creepy wondering about crocodiles.  But it was so awesome.  We floated gently, but fast enough.  The water wasn’t even cold.  It was a moment to just enjoy life.  It was the best.


We floated on for a while in pure bliss, then they picked us back up at a point later on.  No worries :)

Forever in our hearts ....

Today is 3 years since my brother died.  I can't believe it's been that long, and it doesn't suck any less now than it did when I first found out.  This is how I spent my day:

I got up early and went into town together with Pasha, who, like all Russians, has to work this Saturday, due to some funky stuff the government is up to.  Don't ask.  Even though my school is on vacation at school until next week, I had a private lesson this morning with a girl from my baby group.  She is a dream to teach, very sweet and smart.  Although lately all she says to me is "no."  At least she says it in English, lol!  As we traveled, I was reading the book "FRED FACTOR" by Mark Sanborn.  It was very encouraging!  I was determined to have a great lesson, to make the ordinary extraordinary.

 I had a lesson with her yesterday as well which didn't go very well because 40 minutes into it, she left the room.  What was I supposed to do?  Grab her and make her come back?  She wasn't feeling well, and ... I followed her around their luxurious apartment for the next 20 minutes, trying to get her to play games and do certain activities with me; I tried to keep talking and singing... but I somehow felt that the mom wasn't getting her money's worth (she pays me a lot).  So today, I went in armed with an arsenal of images, each representing a song or rhyme, books, puzzles, and my music player, with which the girl is familiar.  There are certain songs we listen to and always do similar dances to.  Well, it was one of my best lessons ever.  She was in a much better mood, I got away with the nanny leaving and her not freaking out, so we were able to be one-on-one, and we played so effectively! We sang tons of songs, she was enthralled by the books, and she even used her imagination to play with me for several minutes and pretend we were rowing down a river.  Then she even hugged me!

I came home tired but triumphant.  I checked my email and then remembered - today is the day.  The dreaded day I've been trying not to think about for a while.  I couldn't help reading the facebook posts in our "group," going to a forum I sometimes visit, looking at Ruth's sweepstakes/memorial site for him, etc.  I cried and cried and cried and cried, hysterically.  My face swelled up.  I calmed down and got something to eat, had some tea.  I went back to the computer, looking at various sites about research, etc.  I cried some more.  I am calm at the moment, and I am feeling very grateful for this wonderful thing called the internet.  It allowed me to connect with friends and people who are also greiving for Tom this day, as well as with other survivors of suicide who really know how I and my family feel, having been there.  Here I am in far-away Russia, but not feeling isolated on this terrible anniversary day.  Thanks to all those who are supporting, financially, with a prayer, a facebook post, positive thoughts, or sending love from Heaven.

Peace,
Beth